My First Love

Dear St. Jude, I blocked and cut off my first love last week. It took me 8 years to cut him off and it hurts so much. My feelings for him didn’t really go away even after 2 decades. It is still painful and it seems like I haven’t healed completely that’s why I finally had the guts to cut him off. It hurts because this love I feel for him is wrong. It hurts because I felt taken for granted. It hurts because I felt taken advantage. It hurts because I have been treated badly. It hurts because I lost my self-respect. It hurts because we can’t even be good friends. It hurts because we will never be together. I don’t know why it hurts so much still but I can’t stay mad at him. I have blocked him from my life so I don’t get tempted to message him. So I don’t have expectations. So he doesn’t have access in my life and I don’t have access to his life. Please always take care of him and help him in all his struggles. He will always have a special place in my heart. I will never forget him even though I cannot keep him in my life anymore. It’s just so painful because he cannot communicate with me and it feels like he’s still manipulating me until now. It’s hard to know where I stand in his life and i can’t deal with his ego anymore. I cut him off to give myself peace.