My first love

Dear St. Jude, i am praying for this special friendship I have with my first love. I don’t know the reason why we still have each other’s presence in both of our lives. I cannot stop loving him and even if we are miles apart and are living our separate lives now loving someone else, settled, and married. I’m really sorry because I cannot stop loving him and it feels like I am committing a sin because of my feelings for him. Even before I got married, he has always been in my heart. When we parted ways decades ago, we never really talked about our feelings for each other that’s why our unresolved issues keep resurfacing. I do not want to break my marriage as well as his marriage. I love my family and my children are my life. I love my first love too and do not want him to do anything wrong because we never stopped caring for each other. It hurts so much when you can’t be with the person you love anymore and that there’s no future to look forward to. That is why I am trying to fight my emotions and try to keep a strong mind that we will never be together again. That someday he will stop communicating with me. When this happens, please take care of him. Help him always in every decision he makes. Keep him healthy and happy and bless him with peace and healing. I wanted to pray for our friendship to be better and strong but I hope I am not committing a sin for wanting him to be in my life and for wanting him to be my friend. He was the guy who always shared his wisdom, kept reminding me to pray. His love for me before was so gentle and pure. I think that was the reason why I fell in love with him. I don’t know why my feelings didn’t change. After so many decades, of not talking and seeing each other. Only thing that really changed was our circumstances and the level of love now. But I have already accepted and moved on from the pain I felt and I am genuinely happy for him for being settled now and married. I also love my husband even though we have moments and I don’t feel like he love me as much as I love him sometimes. I also feel like maybe because we have children that’s why we are together. There are times when I don’t get the same connection I feel from my first love. Spiritually most especially. Please help me. I don’t know what God is teaching me. I know it is wrong to keep thinking about my first love, that’s why I have accepted that we will never be together. But why do I still have this feelings for him. Why is it not going away like I’m an obsessed and crazy person. I am happy for him and his relationship now and I do not want to ruin it. I do not want to ruin anything that’s why I am here praying for my feelings. I miss him and I will always have love for him. I pray that our friendship will remain strong, pure, full of love and happiness, and most of all respect. I cannot ask for anything more from God, but to keep him safe and healthy always. Please help him in all his problems and help him make wise decisions. If we are meant to be together someday, I leave everything to God if this will happen. Everything in my life is God’s will. I do not want to force anything and control the situation for my favor. I do not want to ask for him to be mine again. I leave everything to God if it is His will. Right now, I really just want our friendship to be pure and loving and strong as possible. I also hope and pray that he wants this too because I do not want to hurt him if he wants us to be more than friends. I don’t know what to do. Keep both of us strong to fight temptation and just be good friends. I pray that our trust and respect towards each other will deepen and we will have a beautiful friendship since we cannot be together. I have fears that maybe one day I won’t hear from him again and I don’t know what happened to him. Please don’t let anything bad happen to him and I pray that he will communicate better with me. I hope we can keep a healthy and loving friendship that will last no matter the distance and time. I really love and care for him. Every time I want to see him and I miss him I will always pray for him. There’s nothing I can do but love him from a distance. Please forgive me if I am committing any sin for continuously caring and loving him from a distance. Please protect him always. Amen